It was a Sunday morning, and I wasn’t feeling well. I desperately wanted to sleep in when my daughter barged into my room and started jumping wildly on my bed. She wanted pancakes! I had no choice but to get up. Unfortunately, that was not it.
As I was dragging myself up, I realized that my toddler’s diaper had exploded—a full-blown blowout! Before I could even think about making pancakes at 7 am, I had to scrub down a squirming, screaming baby, strip and wash the sheets from both my bed and their crib, and somehow squeeze in a quick shower to rid myself of the chaos clinging to me.
That’s when I said it – in the shower! “I hate this. I hate parenting.” And even though it was in the privacy of the shower, where no one else could hear me. I felt guilty.
How can I say this when I love my kids? How can my kids make me hate my life? Am I a bad mom? But I told myself that was not it! I was exhausted and wanted to feel like myself again, which was long ago.
If you’re here, chances are you’ve had the same thoughts. That’s alright! There’s no shame in it. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent or don’t love your kids. It means you’re human and you’re tired.
Is It Normal to Regret Having a Baby and Say ‘I Hate Parenting’?
The short answer? Absolutely yes!
So many parents go through moments, or even phases, where they regret having kids. A study found that 8% of parents admitted they regretted having children.
It surprised me too, but it also assured me that I was not alone. So, does that mean parents don’t love their kids? That’s not it. It reflects the emotional, physical, and mental toll parenting takes on you. You’re wrestling with an identity shift, sleepless nights, and a loss of freedom. These are real, valid feelings that deserve attention—not guilt or shame.
Top Reasons Why You Hate Parenting
Parenting is the most rewarding yet the most challenging thing you would do in your life. So, it’s okay to hate it or be overwhelmed by it. But it’s important to talk about what might be making parenting feel so hard.
You haven’t addressed your childhood traumas
As I became a mom, I soon realized that parenting has a sneaky way of digging up old baggage you thought was long gone. Your child reminds you of the childhood you had.
Dr. Dan Siegel, co-author of The Whole-Brain Child, explains that our childhood experiences heavily influence how we react to parenting challenges. Maybe your parents were overly critical, and now you find yourself snapping at your child. Or perhaps you were neglected, and now you feel clueless about how to show up emotionally for your kids.
The good news is that these cycles are breakable if you’re willing to confront and heal from them. To help you, I want to share something that stayed with me: Be the parent you wanted to have as a child.
You weren’t parented properly
Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, says, “We do what we know—until we know better.”
As parents, we often tend to follow in the footsteps of our own parents. However, not everyone grows up with a strong model of healthy parenting. If you were raised in a home that felt like a survival zone, chances are that you might do the same when faced with the constant demands of a child.
If you often think, “So what if I was tough on them? I was raised the same way,” then I would suggest you be kind to yourself. Be the mom you wish you had. Listen to that part of you that’s still hurting and give it the love it needs. Then, step up and be the strong, calm parent your kids need.
You are exhausted
Parenting is exhausting. The emotional, physical, and mental toll it takes on you is just incomparable.
During my early days of motherhood, one of my friends told me: “Parenting isn’t just a full-time job, it’s an always-on job,” and I couldn’t agree more.
Sometimes, I would think I could be the best mom if that’s the only thing I had to do – momm-ying! But that’s not possible. I had to cook, clean, do the laundry, and juggle all the other never-ending responsibilities.
And then there was the postpartum. According to the CDC, 1 in 8 women experience it, with symptoms like sadness, irritability, and crushing fatigue. Parenting while battling these feelings is like climbing a mountain with a boulder on your back. It’s no wonder the exhaustion feels unbearable.
You love being a mom but hate parenting a toddler
If you’re a new mom, you might feel like this newborn stage is the worst. Well, I have some bad news for you – wait till they become a toddler! Once my two-year-old cried for an entire hour because I had peeled her banana ‘the wrong way.’ Till today, I don’t know the right way to peel a banana!
As Dr. Harvey Karp puts it, “Toddlers are like cavemen—they have big emotions and limited tools to express them.”
You might adore your child’s giggles and personality, but the constant chaos? That’s a different story. When my toddler would get on my nerves, I’d tell myself, “You’re the only one who understands them! So, what else are they supposed to do?”
So, it’s okay to love your child while simultaneously hating the stage they’re in. But trust me, once you’re past the toddler phase, you’ll miss it the most.
You’re not getting enough sleep
Studies show that parents lose about six weeks of sleep in their baby’s first year. Sleep deprivation isn’t just tiring, it’s destructive, and it makes everything so much harder.
Lack of rest impacts your mood, patience, and overall mental health. When you’re running on fumes, your patience is nonexistent, your emotions are all over the place, and even the smallest task feels overwhelming. It’s hard to enjoy parenting when your body and brain are screaming for rest.
Guilt and self-criticism
From the moment I knew that I was pregnant, I started criticizing myself for even the smallest things.
During pregnancy, whenever the doctor told me that my baby was not gaining enough weight, I thought it should have been something I did. When my child could not latch on properly for breastfeeding, I blamed myself. If any of their milestones were even a month late, I would start counting my mistakes.
Let’s be clear—feeling overwhelmed doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re doing your best.
Judgment from others
Somehow, everyone else in this world seems to know what’s good for your child other than you, right?
From family members questioning your choices to strangers offering unsolicited advice, parenting feels like living in a fishbowl. The judgment is exhausting and makes you second-guess yourself constantly.
What you feed your kids, how you handle tantrums, or what routine they follow should be your decision only. You’re the parent, not them! You’re already carrying so much and defending every decision you take for your kid shouldn’t be one of them.
Lack of privacy
For me, one of the most important things throughout my life was my privacy. Once I became a mom, it became a distant memory.
The toddler would insist on following you everywhere, even to the bathroom. The teenager would burst in during your alone time, and even your partner might not fully understand your need for space.
It’s not selfish to want a moment to yourself, it’s necessary. But when you’re pulled in every direction, it can feel like you’ve lost yourself entirely. It might even make you feel like having a child was a mistake.
6 Tips on How to Enjoy Parenting
While there’s no magic solution to make parenting easy, there are ways to make it more manageable:
- Prioritize Self-Care
Take care of yourself. Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, take time for something that makes you feel good. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
- Seek Professional Help
Therapy can help you unpack unresolved trauma and cope with parenting challenges. They can also guide you through issues like postpartum depression or parental burnout.
- Ask for Help
Parenting is not a solo mission, you need a village. Lean on friends, family, or a partner to share the load. You don’t have to do it all.
- Connect with Your Child
Set aside time for activities that strengthen your bond and remind you of the joy in parenting.
- Lower Your Expectations
Your house doesn’t have to look spotless, your meals don’t have to be aesthetic, and you don’t have to always smile. Embrace the chaos and remember: your kids don’t need a perfect mom, they need a happy mom.
- Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap when scrolling through social media and seeing moms who look like they’ve got everything together. But remember, your parenting journey is unique, and that’s okay. Focus on what works for you and your family, not what others seem to be doing.
You’re Not Alone
If you’ve ever thought ‘I hate parenting’, know this: you’re not alone, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent. Your struggles don’t mean you love your child any less. You’re human, and parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, even when it’s messy and hard.
So, take a deep breath, mama! You’ve got this.
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