If today’s topic has piqued your interest, chances are you’ve spent years focusing on your kids, and now you’re wondering where “you” went in the process. I’ve been there, too—I know how easy it is to feel like you’re only needed as a mom, and everything else about you fades into the background.
Today, I want to talk about how to rediscover yourself as a mom—the woman who had a whole personality before she birthed tiny humans. But now, the chaos these little ones create leaves you with no time and energy to fill your own cup.
You might think, “I don’t have the time or energy for anything else,” but I promise there are realistic ways to get started. You can find pockets of time in your day and use them to grow as a person, not just as a parent.
As Michelle Obama says: “We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ list.”
Let me share practical tips that worked for me when I felt stuck. We’ll talk about giving yourself permission to dream again and making room for your growth. If you’ve been feeling the urge to do more with your life than just chase after your kids, keep reading.
Why Mothers Feel Like They’ve Lost Themselves
Before we talk about rediscovering yourself after motherhood, let’s understand what causes this feeling. There was a time when my day revolved around school drop-offs, grocery runs, and juggling a million tasks. My own identity felt buried under piles of laundry. It’s not that I regretted becoming a mom—I loved every cuddle and giggle—but I wasn’t nurturing my own interests or goals. If you’re feeling the same, know that many moms reach a point where they look in the mirror and wonder where their old spark went.
Below are a few reasons why mothers often feel like they’ve lost themselves:
- Constant Caregiving: So much energy is poured into caring for kids that personal time becomes scarce.
- Shifting Priorities: Your goals and hobbies can get sidelined when family demands come first.
- Social Expectations: Society often pressures moms to handle everything, which leaves little space for self-discovery.
- Emotional Burnout: The mental load of planning, worrying, and multitasking can overshadow personal interests.
- Identity Overlap: It can be hard to separate “mom” from “you” when the roles blend together.
How to Rediscover Yourself as a Mom: 11 Ways That Actually Work
Feeling disconnected from yourself is tough, but it’s also the first signal that you may be ready for a change. If you’ve reached that point, let’s talk about how to rediscover yourself as a mom.
Understand the Push-Pull of Motherhood
Motherhood brings a wave of changes that can throw you off balance. The term “matrescence” refers to the transition into motherhood. Just like adolescence, it includes major physical, emotional, and mental shifts. It’s the process of becoming a mom and adjusting to new responsibilities.
But the push-pull happens when you want to be fully there for your child and also miss the freedom you once had. One moment, you’re excited about helping with a school project; the next, you’re longing for a quiet moment to read a book. Recognizing this struggle is the first step toward self-awareness. When you accept that feeling mixed emotions is normal, you can start finding purpose outside of motherhood.
Know the Invisible Load That Keeps You From Rediscovering Yourself
The “invisible load” is all the mental tasks that moms carry around. Keeping track of doctor’s appointments, noticing when supplies run low, planning meals, scheduling playdates, and so on. Your mental checklist often operates in the background and can be exhausting. You might not realize how draining it is until you’re completely worn out.
A good start is to identify these hidden responsibilities and see if there’s a way to share them with your partner or family members. Writing down your daily “to-do” list in detail can help you see why you’re so tired. And once you delegate tasks or lower certain standards (it’s okay if dinner isn’t always a homemade feast), you create room for exploring the interests and hobbies you’ve put on hold.
Know That It’s Ok To Feel Guilty
Guilt is a tricky emotion for moms. We worry about not being present for kids or missing out on milestones if we pursue personal goals. Here’s the truth: guilt comes from caring deeply—it’s a sign that you value your kids and have most qualities of a good mom.
But constantly feeling guilty can block you from investing in yourself when trying to figure out how to rediscover yourself as a mom. You must recognize that taking time for your interests doesn’t make you a bad mom. Because when you nurture your passions, you’re happier and more fulfilled, which makes you a better role model.
If that twinge of guilt appears, gently remind yourself that your happiness matters, too. Feeling guilt is normal, but don’t let it hold you back from thriving if ‘how to rediscover myself’ is often on your mind.
Make Yourself A Priority and Set Healthy Boundaries
Moms generally have a hard time saying “no,” and before we know it, our schedule revolves around other people’s needs. But if you want to master how to rediscover yourself as a mom, have time just for you. It may mean waking up 20 minutes earlier to sip coffee in peace or asking a partner to handle bedtime so you can take a relaxing bath.
Setting boundaries as a mama could look like choosing one evening a week to devote to a class, a hobby, or a quiet break. You must communicate your needs clearly and let those around you know you’re dedicating this time to self-care. People can be supportive when you explain how a certain break or activity is important to you. Also, be clear that it’s not selfish to put yourself on your schedule.
Solo Date Yourself And See How Therapeutic It Is
Taking yourself out for a solo date can reconnect you with the person you were before “mom” became your main title. And by date I don’t mean anything fancy—you can try that new coffee shop down the road or spend an afternoon in the park with a good book where no one disturbs you.
The point is to be alone with your thoughts and rediscover what makes you happy without any external demands. If you haven’t had time to explore new interests, use this solo date to try what you want, like a painting class, a dance workshop, or even a hike. When you spend time alone by choice, you learn more about who you are now.
Find A Purpose Outside Of Motherhood
When your daily tasks revolve around kids, it’s easy to get tunnel vision. But you’re allowed to have ambitions that don’t involve your family.
Maybe you’ve always loved photography, writing, or volunteering—there are avenues to explore when rediscovering yourself as a mom. Remember what excited you before kids came into the picture, or recall something new that piqued your interest recently.
Trying fresh activities or revisiting old ones can help you uncover passions that bring a sense of fulfillment. It doesn’t have to be a big leap like going back to college or launching a business (though it can be). Small stress-relieving hobbies, like signing up for a local workshop or joining a community group, can help you with finding purpose outside of motherhood.
Know how you define your identity
If you also wonder how to find yourself after motherhood, start by being sure of how to identify. Think about your values and the qualities that make you you. Maybe you’re creative, good at problem-solving, or enjoy learning things.
Identifying these traits helps you remember you’re more than just a caregiver. Write a few words that describe you outside of motherhood. Owning your identity means you decide how you want to show up in the world—from your hobbies to your career aspirations.
Identify If Toxic Positivity Is Keeping You From Rediscovering Yourself
Phrases like “Just be grateful you have healthy kids” or “You should be happy because others have it worse” are often thrown at moms struggling to keep their sanity. Gratitude is great, but forced positivity can stop you from acknowledging valid feelings.
If you’re always pushing down stress, sadness, or the need for alone time, check what’s going on. Recognize that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed or even frustrated. It doesn’t make you ungrateful, so let yourself process negative emotions without guilt.
Journal Your Thoughts and Gratitude
Journaling connects you with what’s happening inside your head when you’re learning how to rediscover yourself as a mom. A few minutes every other day can help you track your mood and clarify your worries when your mind feels hazy.
Write anything that comes to mind—things you’re thankful for, stressful situations you’re facing, or funny moments you don’t want to forget. This process can show that certain activities drain you or that you’re happier when you spend time outside. With these insights, you can make changes that align with what truly energizes and fulfills you.
Meditate For 30 Minutes Every Morning
Starting your day with a short meditation sets your tone for the day. If 30 minutes feels overwhelming, no worries—you can start with 5 or 10. Just give your mind a break from constant chatter and stress. Focus on your breathing, or use a guided meditation app if you prefer structure. Meditation can clear mental clutter and make you feel more grounded. It can also give you better emotional awareness, making you less likely to brush your feelings aside.
Connect With Other Moms
It can be difficult to talk about your struggles with friends who aren’t in the motherhood phase or even with your family members. A supportive community of moms can help through a local meetup group or an online forum. You might learn new coping strategies, discover resources in your area, and feel relief knowing you’re not the only one going through a tough time.
Don’t Lose Yourself in the Process of Raising a Family
Rediscovering yourself after motherhood doesn’t happen overnight, but every action can bring meaningful change. You should recognize your worth, allow honest emotions, and nurture your body and mind. Remember to be patient with yourself as you redefine who you are outside of daily mom duties. You’re allowed to be more than a mom—you can be a whole, thriving person ready to embrace a genuinely fulfilling life.
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FAQs
How to stop feeling like just a mum?
Start by taking a small chunk of your day for something you genuinely enjoy. That can be a hobby you once loved or a new class you’ve been curious about. Talk openly with loved ones about how you’re feeling. And if possible, delegate tasks so you have at least a little time to explore who you are beyond your role as a parent.
Why do I have no energy as a mom?
Motherhood is demanding. Hormonal changes, lack of sleep, and constant multitasking can drain your energy reserves. Therefore, it helps to prioritize rest—yes, even if you can only manage short power naps or a calm evening ritual. Make sure you’re getting the nutrients you need, drink enough water, and don’t shy away from asking for help.
Is it normal to not enjoy being a mother?
It’s more common than you think. Parenthood comes with big responsibilities, emotional ups and downs, and countless to-dos. Feeling stressed or even wishing you had some “non-mom” time can often happen. There’s no rule that says you must love every second of motherhood.
