Why Do I Feel Like a Bad Mom? Here’s the Answer

It’s easy for people to mom-shame someone over something they’re doing for THEIR kid. That’s because we are expected to be supermoms, superwives, super-everything. But being this ninja who can do anything is tiring, and you’re always trying to live up to some invisible standards. 

If you’re also suffering from ‘the perfect mom syndrome’, we need to get over it. Maybe your friend swears about sugar-free diets for her kids while you’re trying to get through dinner without a meltdown. Or you’re letting the little ones have some screen time while you catch a breather. Whatever it is that’s making you feel like a bad mom, you’re not alone. 

I grew up without my mom and when I became one, I questioned whether I was doing anything right. Every time I felt I didn’t measure up to someone else’s standards, I beat myself up over it. 

If you’ve been asking yourself, ‘Why do I feel like a bad mom?’ It’s time to understand the conditioning that makes us feel it. As if women don’t already have enough on their plates, mom guilt also creeps in to put our mental health up for a toss.

So, let’s unpack what’s fueling this inner critic and find a way to deal with it because motherhood isn’t about perfection—it’s doing the best you can for your kids.

Is It Normal to Feel Like a Bad Mom?  

If you’re feeling like a bad mom, know that it’s normal to go through these thoughts sometimes—many mothers experience moments of self-doubt and guilt. Balancing work, family, and personal time is difficult, and it’s common to question if you’re doing enough or doing things right. Acknowledging the perception of taking yourself as a terrible mother is the first step toward understanding and solving the problem. 

You Wouldn’t Care If You Were Actually a Bad Mom

If you ask, ‘Am I a bad mom,’ you already have the answer—you are not. If you were truly a bad or worthless mother, you probably wouldn’t be worried about it. The fact that you’re concerned shows that you care deeply about your children and your goal of being good for them. Self-awareness is a sign of a good parent who wants the best for her kids.

If you’re still confused about how you’re for your kids, here are some signs you’re a bad mother: 

• Narcissistic Behavior: If you always prioritize your needs over the children’s, without considering their feelings, it is what makes you a bad mom. 
• Emotional Manipulation: Using guilt or fear to control or influence the kids is also what makes a bad mom. 
• Consistent Neglect: Ignoring the basic needs of her children, like food, safety, and emotional support, is among the signs of a bad mother. 
• Toxic Communication: Frequently criticizing, belittling, or undermining the children is not what mothers are expected to do. If you do that, you’re not a good mom. 

Common Things that Mothers Feel the Most Guilty Over

Women, and especially moms, are expected to never fail and always be present. And when they cannot keep up with these standards, they feel guilty. As a result, you could be wondering, why do I feel like a bad mom?

Here are some things that make one feel I am a bad mom:

• Not spending enough quality time with the children 
• Losing patience and snapping over them
• Not always feeding them a home-cooked meal 
• Letting them have snacks and treats 
• Leaving them to be with someone who is not work-related (even when you have someone to watch over them)
• Not making them toilet trained till a certain age
• Seeing other moms have it all together
• Work-life balance struggles
• Relying on screen time
• Household messiness
• Making mistakes even when you have taught them something a 1000 times

Also Read: The (Actually) Perfect Daily Routine for Working Moms

Why Do I Feel Like a Bad Mom? 5 Root Causes

When you’re trying to figure out why do I feel like a bad mom, understand that most of our feelings start from our background. We women have always been taught to ‘be nice’ and give it our all. Naturally, when we cannot be perfect at something, we feel like we’ve FAILED. Argh.

Here are some reasons at play when you feel like a bad mom:

• Inner Critic: That voice inside your head can be your toughest critic as it reminds you of your mistakes and questions every decision you make.
• Social Pressure: You can feel judged for your choices and believe that I am a bad mother, whether you decide to work full-time or how you discipline your children. 
• Constant Comparison: It’s tough not to compare yourself to other moms when social media bombards us with information from all sides. Comparing yourself to others can rob you of the appreciation you deserve.
• Fatigue & Burnout: When you’re tired, small challenges can feel like massive hurdles and leave you feeling like a bad mother. 
• Lack of Support: When there’s no support system, and you’re doing it all alone, the weight of daily responsibilities can make you snappy. It usually comes out on the kids. 

The Feeling of “I’m a Terrible Mom” Often Stems from Inside 

The doubt that ‘am I a bad mother’ could be coming from your mind. As I explained earlier, the inner critic gives you the feelings of shame and guilt. Mom guilt is the self-doubt and worry mothers feel when they don’t know if they’re doing enough for their children. High standards and critical self-talk can cause you to constantly question your parenting choices. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward overcoming it because nobody is perfect, and your wish to do the best is enough for your kids.

Am I Enough? Social Media’s Perfect Mom Pressure 

We’ve all had the moment where we scroll through social media and think, “How does she manage to do it all?” These glamorous portrayals we see online feed our self-doubts and moms posting their “perfect mom” moments can make you question why do I feel like a bad mom. But social media is just a highlight reel, and there’s likely a mess cropped out of the frame.

Social pressure doesn’t stop at social media. Family advice, unsolicited comments from acquaintances, and expectations can all add to feelings of inadequacy. There’s this unspoken standard that mothers should be endlessly patient and always available. But these expectations create a false benchmark that’s impossible to meet for most mothers. 

I recall seeing a friend’s post where she organized a themed birthday party for her child. It had handcrafted decorations and a homemade cake—great for her. 

Meanwhile, I was feeling proud of myself for ordering takeout after a long day at work. That moment made me question if I was doing enough. But then I reminded myself that everyone has different circumstances and it’s okay not to do everything perfectly.

A study found that mothers feel inadequate when they can’t balance between the myth and reality of motherhood. And since they don’t want to be labeled ‘not enough’, they work harder to become the best mother and best in everything else per se. Putting such pressure on themselves leaves moms burnt out and pushes them further down the self-doubt spiral. 

Am I a Bad Mom? The Comparison Trap that Makes You Feel Left Behind

The comparison trap has long hands. You see other moms who “have it all together” and start doubting yourself. They could be volunteering at every school event while you’re juggling work deadlines, and that will likely dim your happiness.

Every mom has certain strengths and circumstances. What works for one family might not work for another, and that’s okay. We must acknowledge and appreciate our abilities, even if they don’t look like someone else’s.

I used to compare myself to a colleague who always seemed effortlessly put together and thought I was a bad mom. Her kids were enrolled in numerous activities, and she never missed a beat at work. It made me feel like I was falling short. Later, I learned that she had a strong support system helping her manage everything—it all made sense. 

The “Invisible” Mental Load that Makes You Feel Like a Failure as a Mom

A study found that if you internalize the guilt that you must be perfect at all times, it could be detrimental. Even if you do not believe in extreme motherhood ideologies, simply internalizing the guilt that you’re not doing something could result in increased stress and anxiety.

Imagine you’re spinning plates and trying to keep everything in the air while making it look effortless—that’s the invisible mental load many of us carry. 

Such constant juggling can make you feel like you’re always one step behind. Even when you’re doing your best, the responsibilities can overwhelm you. It’s not just the physical tasks but also the mental checklist that never seems to end. When so much is going on behind the scenes, feeling like you’re falling short is common—which can make you incredibly strong.

It’s Not You Who’s a Bad Mom. It’s Often Your Past Trauma or Family Conditioning

Some of us carry unresolved issues from our childhoods or have grown up with family values that instill guilt or self-doubt. For instance, if you have had an unsupportive parent, you can find yourself more prone to questioning your parenting abilities.

These past experiences can impact how you view yourself today, and you may hold yourself to unrealistic standards because that’s what was expected of you growing up. Knowing that you’re carrying such trauma could answer your ‘why do I feel like a bad mom’ qualm. 

Coming to terms with these influences doesn’t mean blaming the past; it means that you recognize that some of the guilt and self-criticism aren’t truly yours to carry. You’re not a bad mom—you could just be dealing with old wounds that need healing. 

How to Overcome the Feeling of Failed Motherhood?

I feel like a bad mom because I yell or snap at my kids sometimes. But that’s not the culture I want to promote in my house, which is why I try to make up for it as soon as possible. 

The following are some ways you can adopt to make your life easier after you understand ‘why do I feel like a bad mom’:

Challenge Perfectionism

Trying to be perfect will leave you with burnout and feelings of inadequacy. Therefore, you must set realistic expectations for yourself and accept that it’s okay not to be perfect.

Know that “Good Enough” is Better than Perfect

Sometimes, showing up and doing your best is exactly what your kids need. They value your presence more than perfection; go easy on yourself.

Acknowledge the “Mental Load” 

Moms handle countless invisible tasks, from scheduling appointments to remembering birthdays. Give yourself the due credit for managing these responsibilities and don’t beat yourself if a hiccup (or three) happens.

Dealing with Guilt

Many moms feel guilty when they take time for themselves because of the societal condition. But self-care is non-negotiable when you’re a full-time mama—you can’t pour from an empty cup, after all. 

Practice Mindfulness 

Simple practices like gratitude journaling or deep breathing can help you maintain a positive perspective and reduce stress. It can also help if you feel snappy at times. 

Adopt Empowering Habits

Doing things that make you feel confident as a mom is a form of self-care. It could mean reading parenting books or joining a support group, whatever floats your boat.

Practice Self-Compassionate Parenting

Always be kind to yourself and acknowledge that making mistakes is part of being human. The goal should be to use them as learning opportunities.

Celebrate Small Wins

Be the first one to recognize and celebrate your daily achievements, no matter how small they seem. It’ll boost your confidence and help when you get occasional bursts of feeling like a bad mom.

Reframe Your Inner Dialogue

I am such a bad mother. It was so stupid of me to say this. These are some standard statements mothers repeat in their heads. But if you replace these negative thoughts with compassionate self-talk, it’ll reflect in your behavior. Your kids will feel more accepted. 

Seek Professional Help if Needed

If feelings of inadequacy persist, reach out to a mental health professional to unload what’s weighing down on you. They’ll teach you ways to control self-doubt and be sure of your abilities as a parent. 

Embrace Motherhood with Grace

Feeling like a bad mom is more common than you’d assume. You must remember that you’re doing your best and embrace motherhood with grace by being kind to yourself. 

Acknowledge your efforts and let go of the expectations that seem hard to meet. Yes, we must strive to be better at everything we do, but do not dismiss yourself if a thing or two don’t go as planned. 

Your love and dedication matter to your children—never underestimate that.

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